Lightning

Some people have some really bad luck.

My wife was watching a Say Yes To The Dress episode and I walked in and caught a snippet of the show. In this particular episode one woman was looking for the perfect dress, tried on a few, and then deciding on the one that looked the best, or depending on who you ask the least hideous.

I’m told this episode wasn’t particularly different then all the rest. The formula holds true to each woman that walks into the shop – see a dress, try it on, be disappointed, she tries on another dress (gasp!), family has opinion, woman looks confused, makes a face, the shop tries to find something in her budget, makes some calls, the woman tries on the original dress or another dress, they love it. She says yes.

[The show could be called Say No To The Dress because of all the implicit No’s and the heaping pile of discarded satin and silk dresses the shop goes through. It’d be funny if they just burned it once someone says “no.” The shop’s slogan should be “If you don’t want it, no one gets it!”]

It’s pretty much the same thing every single episode which makes me wonder 1) how is this been going on for 12 seasons?  There is of course a dramatic back-story added to the “journey” of finding the perfect dress.

This particular episode I caught had a teary eyed daughter explain that her father seeing her in the dress is so important because he might not be at the wedding. And that really got to me. She continued on by say her father was struck by lightning. Wait. What?

The father was sitting at his computer in his office, inside his building, when a lightning bolt struck through the window hitting the computer and the electric charge surged through the machine, carrying through the mouse and into this man’s body. Doctors told him that they can’t do anything to release the energy and he walks around with a constant electric charge in his body. And because of the accident he can’t form any short term memories, and his body is deteriorating so they aren’t sure how long he’ll live.

This is straight up one of the craziest things I’ve heard in a long time, and I read those stupid rag magazines while waiting in line at the grocery store. Lightning striking a man is like a live version of a Loonie Toons cartoon mixed in with the main character from Memento and with no super powers.

Just when you think life couldn’t get any more crazier.

lightningblue-1600x1000

It’s remarkable that something as mindless as Say Yes To The Dress can remind you how precious and fragile life can be. Scary too. It’s not like the father was running around outside going all Benjamin Franklin on us with a kite and a key trying to discover the secrets of the sky, or even going on an evening stroll with his oversized metal tipped umbrella.

He was on his computer at work, minding his own business indoors in the safety of his office letting Mother Nature do her thing outside. But Mother Nature is a crazy B—sometimes and when she gets angry even she is capable of defying all logic.

[Unless the father was looking at porn during office hours, there is absolutely no reason to be struck by lightning.  The Lord works in mysterious ways.]

Life is like Say Yes To The Dress. It’s same thing day in and day until one day it isn’t. It’s one white dress after another until you catch a moment when it’s something else. That one dress that different from all the rest.

birds pooping

I finally understand why people buy lottery tickets when they get pooped on by birds. If that bad shit (literally) hits you and that’s all that happens, it’s got to be a sign of good luck. And could we not use a little good luck now and again. Remember the Lord works in mysterious ways.

I have to make it from this Starbucks back home and it’s starting to rain a bit here. I’m going to try and get us a lotto ticket. Afterall life’s a big gamble you may as well dream big. Forget the dress. Say yes to everything.

You never know when it all goes away in a puff of smoke.

 

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