Not Enough Time In The Day

Sometimes I wish there were more hours in the day.

I should be careful with what I say. We should all be careful.

If you think about it, how one throw-away comment could thrust your comfortable life into absolute anarchy.

More HOURS in the DAY?

Do you not have any respect for little things I like to call Math and Science? (well I mean I don’t just call them that, that’s what they are called. Maybe Mathematics and Scientology.)

How selfish and impractical that would be. I figure we should either expect less from ourselves, or just get up early.

Could you imagine if we just one day decided that days are no longer 24 hours but 30 or 36 hours a day? That would seriously mess things up. The implications would be horrendous.

You could ask “What day is it, Thursday?” And someone tells you “Oh no, we got rid of Thursday to keep the Earth’s rotation around the Sun to 365 days a year.”

No Thursday people. And you are wondering how did Thursday lose out when Monday and Tuesday are arguably the worst days of the week?

What happens if you get really greedy and say “Oh seven days a week just isn’t enough!” And we go from 7 beautifully crafted days and nights to 8 or 9?

8 Days a Week? You know who sang about that? The Beatles and they did a lot of drugs! You are supporting unsupervised drug use.



First off what would these days be called? Frusday? DayDay? Zucchini?

Insanity looms.

And imagine the linguistic implications. A day called Zucchini is just the English response to an already crazy idea.

I just learned the days in Spanish – lunes, martes, miercoles, jeuves, viernes, sabado y domingo. And French: Lundi, mardi, mercredi, juedi, vendredi, samdi et dimanche. I just wanted to show off that I’m multilingual if a calendar were presented to me. The point is let’s get back on topic.

Maybe we take a page from the Hebrew names for days where they just call them by their numbers during the week. Two things you should realize, I speak another language, I’m pretty impressive. Secondly, the Hebrew Language names their days like this: First Day, Day Two, Day Three… it’s pretty straightforward. They do how ever call their Seventh day Shabbat or Shabbath. Which sort of means Seven. So I mean whatev’

But you want more hours? More days?  Maybe the eighth day is just named  “eighth-day.” WHAT? I know what you are thinking my Math loving, Robert Frost Poetry reading friend – How uncreative! No wonder there is so much conflict in the Middle East – their names of days are so booooorrrrring.

Then you have to wonder will the new day be a weekday or a weekend? Everyone says “WEEKEND!” But let me tell you buster, not in this economy! You bet your bottom dollar it would be a weekday. A WEEKDAY you Deloitte and Touche Muthafu#%er!

That’s right, those that want more hours in the day or more days in the week want you to work more. You know what that means – slavery. Pyramid building. Eating Matzah. Constipation.

All because they want to do more, do too much, can’t prioritize, can’t time manage. Get a watch and learn how to use it.

These “people” are menaces to our way of life. And what do I mean by “these people?” Jews? Blacks? Chinese? Whites? Leprechauns? All of the above. Free thinkers. People who say things like “I wish there were more hours in the day.” Selfish Leprechauns that don’t know how to buy or use a watch. An Apple watch that syncs up to your Apple products.

Civilization will crumble. Tim Ferriss might have to rename is 4-hour work week book, to something more reasonable – 5 hour work week. No body has TIME FOR 5 hours a week.

Terms like fortnight will mean the same thing but then you’ll have to explain yourself. “You know that was just 14 days, or 2 weeks before we are living this 8 day nightmare.”

Just next time you say something like “Ugh, I wish there was more time in the day,” just loosen up your schedule man, it’s not worth it the civilization-crumbling-nightmare-slave-state you want to create.

Time to take a nap. It’s Zucchini o’clock.

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